My wife had a rough past couple days. Those are to be expected. We are less than a year into our healing process. One of the things that attributed to the rough days was hearing about another couple that worked to save their marriage after an affair, but they have not been able to. It is ending in divorce. The devil used this to send arrows at her heart like, “if they couldn’t do it then how can you?” Those are dirty blows and they hurt. So we hugged, which is what we do when one of us is hurting. Speaking isn’t the best first thing. The best first thing is the hug. Then we talked.
I told my wife, that from what she shared there had been something that this couple was not willing to do. They were not willing to do whatever it takes. The day I confessed to the affair and my wife forgave me we made the decision to do whatever it would take to save our marriage. For us, this wasn’t simply about not getting a divorce this was about healing, and our marriage being better than ever. Remember with Jesus all things are possible.
When I write “whatever” I mean whatever. If it means no sports television because they objectify women in so many ways, if it means no smart phone, if it means tracking devices on your phone so your spouse knows where you are, if it means no longer going to the gym to protect your eyes, and if it means quitting your job then do it! As we pursue purity and wholeness God will honor those decisions and He will carry you through. He calls us to honor our spouses and to protect our marriages so do whatever it takes. Remember you have destroyed the trust in your marriage through your affair or addiction to pornography and now it will take a life-time to rebuild that trust.
If you are in the process of recovering from an affair, have you made the conscious choice that you will do whatever it takes to bring healing to your spouse and to your marriage?
If you have not then you will fail. In those little holes where you choose to leave openings the devil will squeeze on-going temptation and attacks. He knows that over time you will wear down and he will once again have you where he wants you.
Last night as I held my wife(and it is by the grace of God that I even get to anymore) I told here once again, “I will do whatever you need right now to help encourage you.”
I challenge you in the next 24 hours to ask your spouse, “Do you believe I am willing to do whatever it takes to see our marriage and love restored?” If they say “no” then ask them what more they need from you. Then do it. Keeping asking that question of yourself and ask the Spirit to reveal to you where you are falling short.
Remember if your marriage is going to survive you must make the commitment that you will do whatever it takes!