I confessed to the affairs on a Sunday and by the grace of God we spent so much time together the next couple of days. In reality for the next couple of months we were together almost all the time if my spouse wasn’t at work or I wasn’t at a meeting.
I of course didn’t do any work for my employer the next few days. We knew once I confessed to them I would be terminated. Wise counsel told us to wait a couple days before we went to them. My wife took 3 or 4 days off from teaching and we literally spent time with each other and with God and some close friends.
Was it easy? No way but the Spirit told us we just needed to be together if we wanted to make it. I don’t even remember what we did but it was good. We talked a lot. She asked a lot of questions and we both cried a lot.
As you can imagine those days for her were so painful as the raw pain from my betrayals laid open. I’m sure those day were so hard. For me I was full of guilt and shame. Answering her questions was so difficult but the right thing to do.
One day we went for a hike through a local park. That will forever be a precious memory of God’s rest and grace. During the walk I expressed to her that she had the freedom to stay with me or leave. I told her she was free according to God and that she should only stay if it was what she wanted. Praise the Lord she stayed. She also expressed her raw anger and desire for revenge but also her desire to forgive and let God’s grace flow through her. She hated being angry. I remember telling her it was okay. She had every right to be angry.
Another day we went to a movie. I don’t even remember which one. The time was precious. We went out to lunch together and we ate breakfast together. We began shopping together every week and it is now one of my favorite times together. We laugh and we buy treats for the kids. She puts up with me wanting to buy cheese or other things. It is our time and I love it.
Spend lots of time together even if it is hard. Have lots of open and honest conversation but also just have fun. We wanted to start creating new fun memories together because I had been home but not there the last year. I know all that time together did wonderful things to jump start the healing process.
Five months later, my spouse and our oldest were heading on a mission trip for a week. Honestly it created a lot of fear for my spouse. Could she trust me home alone for a week? Was I really healing and seeking God or would I turn to sin. We prayed hard for God to bless and help us both through it, God was so kind. I was a mess the day I dropped them off to go. Amy was my bride and best friend. It was like we were newly engaged again. I was simply going to miss her. Jesus had worked so instead of tears from fear that day we had tears of love and longing, knowing we were gonna miss being together.
You may be feeling so hopeless right now but all things are possible in Christ. Trust Him, surrender to the process and spend lots of time with your Spouse. Don’t have any agenda other than to let it go where it goes. Be confident that Jesus is working.