A Girl’s Dream

Most little girls dream about getting married someday and how wonderful life will be. I also dreamed of getting married, but around the age of twelve I started dreaming specifically about a Christian husband. Because I had never had a Christian dad who talked about Jesus or the Bible, I wanted that for my family. I wanted to marry someone who would pray with me and our kids. I wanted someone that loved talking about things that were good and positive, someone that encouraged me with my walk with God. I wanted someone to love me unconditionally, and faithfully. I wanted to marry someone who truly loved Jesus and was trying to live for Him each day.

I married that person. From the beginning we both unknowingly bought each other a Bible as a wedding gift. I wanted that to be central to our marriage and he did too. We prayed together and walked with God.  We were not perfect at it, but we were both trying to love God first and love each other next. We said divorce was not an option we would always work through it.

Flash forward about seventeen years when my dream was crushed. How could this happen? My husband walked away from God and me. I kept asking him if he secretly hated me. I would say over and over, why did you do this to us? I was so hurt and broken inside because I thought I just wasn’t good enough for him. I thought he really didn’t like me and wanted to get away from me. I thought I wasn’t beautiful to him anymore.  I think I even said that I cannot compare to the things these women do in pornography, and I would not want to, so if that’s what you want…I am not that.  I took the affairs so personally. I was so confused because we had a great marriage, not perfect, but great. I was totally blind-sided that he would actually break our marriage vows and actually have sex with other women. I couldn’t get over the fact that my ideal marriage was crushed. If we made it to our 50th anniversary, we wouldn’t be able to say we were always committed to one another, I was so broken and damaged.  He said it was not because of me, or our marriage, it was his fault.  He wasn’t dealing with hurts and disappointments in life properly and was trying to escape and make himself feel better. It was all so self-centered, I was so shocked. How did he get this far from God.  I couldn’t trust him now and that felt so horrible. How can you be in a relationship and not trust? I had no idea, so I had to trust Jesus and His promises for me.

I realized months later that the reason I was taking it so personally was because I had elevated our marriage up on a pedestal. People constantly told us that they looked up to our marriage, so it was built up even more. I was finding my significance in a great marriage. I found significance in being married to a Christian guy who was seeking the Lord.  So when all of the sin was unleashed it was broken, I felt completely frazzled and lost. I blamed myself. The wounds were deep and painful. Then the words of Psalms and the counselor’s words began to settle in my mind. I started hearing God’s voice louder than Satan’s lies.  When you feel like you are not good enough and Satan tells you that your husband wants someone else, go to your Father and be still. Listen to how much He loves you and that is all that matters. You need to heal and the only person that can do that is Jesus. I realized that I needed to love God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength before I could heal and forgive completely. I needed to believe the Bible and to continue filling my mind with truth.  I needed to believe that I was the daughter of a King!

I am beautiful.

I am victorious.

I am chosen.

I am accepted just as I am.

I am blessed everyday I rise.

I am loved unconditionally.

I am the apple of my Father’s eye.

I am never forsaken.

I am not average. I am not ordinary.

I AM A MASTERPIECE!

…and you are too!

 

 

 

 

A Growing Light 

He is the light of the world. -John 8:12

I never use to see the light. I thought I trusted Christ. I taught a lot of people a boat Christ. I did a lot of activities that were about Christ. However I don’t know if the light could ever be seen in my heart. Looking into my heart was like looking into a cave. The cave was pitch black. I was told there was light in there but I never saw it. I learned to talk like there was a light. I would celebrate with others that we could see the flicker of light in our own caves but because of my pride I learned to say I saw the light.

Through self-righteousness I became really good at living like I saw the light. I was so good that I didn’t even realize that I didn’t see the light. When I saw the warning signs that there may be no light I blamed it on God. If He wanted the sin gone he’d do more. I’d pray and when I fell I’d blame it on God and believe He didn’t really love me.

All the while unforgiven ess, hurt, anger, disappoint and sin pulled me farther from the cave and even helped me build a wall into the cave so I couldn’t see in. Fortunately before the wall was completed Love broke through the wall. God reached down and touched me through my bride e Her love broke the walls down and I finally admitted that I couldn’t see the light in my cave.

My Bride saw the light in her cave like a roaring fire and she told me to keep looking for the light in my care. She said it was there. Other friends told me it was there and they started holding my hand and pointing me in the direction to see the light.

I started longing to see the light so I spent a lot of time looking for it. As though I was a hunter waiting for the prey long before sunset. This time I didn’t accept the opportunities to pretend to see the light.

In the waiting I started cleaning away the rubble from the wall that had been broken down. I removed the hurt from the past and I understood that on my own I would only build walls. Through Christ all the rubble could be removed. I could be forgiven and forgive myselfee

Slowly I began to know the light was there and I’d see glimpses. The more I let go and actually let Christ clear the rubble the more often I’d catch a glimpse. After a time I kept being fearful the light would disappear. I was also fearful because I only saw it every once in a while. I was blessed my bride kept pointing me to the light and she kept loving me, friends also kept telling me they saw the light in my care.

A couple weeks ago I noticed the light was bigger and I saw it constantly. I was thrilled but not satisfied. I want the light to be bigger and stronger. I want it to be a roaring bonfire that I feel the heat of Joy through. Not only that I want the light in me to be a light for others. I want it to give them the heat of joy and comfort so that they will look for the flicker of light in their cave.

I do have to tend my cave entrance though but Jesus now helps. Hurt and temptation want to begin closing it off again. I have to bring others into my cave to help me keep the rubble away. I’m finding as the fire and light grow bigger and brighter that it becomes easier to clear the rubble away. I am so thankful. I am confident my fire will spread to others. I wait in expectation for how that will look.

Friends be honest if you can’t see the light. It’s okay because if you keep looking you will eventually see the flicker of light in your cave. God will also bring others along to help you see it!

I hope this encourages you. Now I’m off to enjoy the fire in my cave. 

With God All Things Are Possible

One thing that really shook me and made me question if I could stay, and make this marriage work was on the night of the confession. We had been talking and crying, and all of our kids were at church except our oldest. The month of the confession was in November, and it was two days after my dad had been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor two years prior, so for me crying this much in November wouldn’t seem strange. Our daughter did come in and ask if I was okay, I think I lied and said I was sad about my dad dying, and her daddy and I were just having a rough time right now.

So we were talking and he said he had one more trip scheduled for work (he traveled- opportunity, access & time for affairs) at the end of the week. I think I said, what?! Then I ran out of the room, down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. It was cold, about thirty-five degrees and I had no socks or shoes on and no coat.  I sat outside for an hour weeping and heartbroken. I don’t even remember feeling cold at the time because I was in such shock, I felt numb. He just confessed to having affairs in other states and he said he has a trip scheduled this week!!! I sat there thinking through how the kids and I were going to go to my parent’s house until he moved everything out. I thought through my job situation and how to tell my boss. For those two minutes I thought we are going to end up getting divorced.  I was even in disbelief that I was thinking this way.  I was so confused and hurt, that my mind was all over the place.  Then I just started asking God for help, saying I can’t do this, I can’t do this. I need You,  I don’t know what to do, help me. Then I felt a strange calmness that told me I needed to try to reconcile with my husband and pursue restoration. The night continued to be painful, but I knew I was supposed to endure the pain for God’s glory someday.

God gave me the verse in Matthew 19:26, “With God All Things Are Possible.” I just started saying it to myself all the time whenever the pain would increase and a terrible thought came to mind.  Throughout the weeks talking to my husband, I would just say over and over seventeen years of marriage…you want to waste all of that for some strange women on the internet. Seventeen good years of marriage and four amazing kids for living a life of sin, really? Then I started saying that God was going to heal us because with God all things are possible. I would ask him if he believed it and I would even ask myself sometimes when I felt like things were going backwards. But God was so faithful in continuing to give us both the desire to make it work despite the many nights of crying and hurt.  Ultimately, deep down we both wanted to see God heal and restore our marriage, that was an answer to prayer because in the first few days he just kept saying he didn’t know what he wanted to do.

Some nights were so horrific when I would ask a question and hear such a painful response. I couldn’t bear how hurt I felt inside. I literally felt crushed under the reality that my husband had done this. I felt like an elephant was laying on my chest and I couldn’t breath.  Everything had been taken away from me. The life I knew was gone.  My wedding vows were broken.  My heart had been ripped out and thrown out the window on the way to a hotel, then picked up, stomped on and driven home like nothing happened.  I felt like I wasn’t going to survive,  I wanted to hear all of the details at once instead of a little bit more here and there, but knowing so much was unbearable. I couldn’t understand how he got to such a terrible place of sin.  I couldn’t comprehend what he had done to our family and life.  It was devastating.  

But then God became my breath and my life a little more each day.

I had to go to His word all day and night, I was reading and praying to God like breathing. I had to do it to survive this incomprehensible situation. There were so many times that I would just hear God saying, “With Me anything is possible, just believe.” I could not trust my husband anymore, but I could trust God. So little by little, hour by hour, God began to heal my soul for His glory.

So today, I am still walking this journey after 32 weeks, which is 259 days.  God has sustained me and walked with me the entire way, and thankfully after my husband came out of his fog and entanglement of sin, he joined me on the journey.  Some days are still rough at times, but I know that with God all things are possible, and that is how I survive those terrible moments.  If you are struggling now because it seems impossible, please start reciting this verse and ask your husband too as well. God is so good and faithful. He wants to fight for you, you just need to be still in His loving arms.

“For with God nothing shall be impossible.” Luke 1:37

 

Be Strong and Broken

This has always been tough For me. The concept of being strong and confident, while at the same time being broken and humble. My strength and confidence always came across as arrogance and pride. Often times it was harsh. Notice I said “my strength… That was the problem, I thought it was about my strength and me pushing things along. Ephesians 6 tells us “to be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might.” I’m learning to be strong in Him and because of Him. This breeds humility because it will only happen if I recognize moment by moment my dependence on Christ. 

When you betray your wife, you believe and the devil tries to tell you that she wants no comfort from you. The devil tries to tell you more lies. That if you are truly sad you will be broken and sad, constantly beating yourself up. The enemy wants to heap burning coals of shame on your head.

The truth is your wife actually needs you to be broken in Christ and at the same time strong in Christ. For some of you, your wife won’t want to look at you. She won’t even want to be around you. Forgiveness will be a process for her, but if you are to get her back, strength and brokenness in Christ will be a given. This will be hard for you as well. However, as you accept the forgiveness of Christ and as you forgive yourself you will begin to find both strength and brokenness.

The first few weeks after confessing, the only way I could lift my eyes and look my wife in her eyes was because of Christ in me. In all honestly this process was only made possible through the friends in my life and our counselor. They had to keep bringing me back to the love and forgiveness of Christ. I honestly would have wallowed in self-pity. Destroying myself over and over again, sinfully agreeing with the enemy.

I want to explore more closely this simultaneous strength and brokenness in Christ. Then I’ll finish explaining why your wife needs this from you. Let’s start with true godly brokenness. In the gospel we come to understand our complete bankruptcy and need for Christ. If you have come to a place of confessing affairs or some grievous sin against your wife, then you probably get how broken and weak you are. I highly doubt you just ran to the affairs. My guess is it was more of a slow walk where at times you felt powerless. That’s because we are broken and depraved. Remember how broken you are and how disgusting you can become. Then ask for life, ask for confession and repetance that leads to life. When we are granted true repentance it bears life and hope because we recognize the grace of God in it. You must never forget where you came from and where you will end up again a part from Christ.

Now, you have the ability to be strong as you work through all the mess and pain with your wife. Remember Ephesians 6 tells us, to be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might. So rise up not because of you, but because of Christ in you. Be there for your wife. Be what she needs you to be because Christ is in you. This is the power of Christ in you.

Despite the fact that we have betrayed our wives, on the deepest level they need our strength in Christ. That strength tells them or reassures them that Christ is at work. It lets them know that we are walking in Christ and finding hope and healing. This will aid your wife in the healing process and help her forgive you. This strength from Christ allows her to be fully open and express herself while you listen and hold her. Yes, you caused the deep hurt, but if she is still there then she wants your love and strength in Christ. This is truly a miracle of God that is beautiful to see.

Friends this is so incredibly difficult. The enemy is fighting hard to get you to a place of self-pity. Keep trusting Christ, apologize when you don’t bring this brokenness and strength. Ask Christ and your wife to help and encourage you. Remember, Christ has forgiven you and wants to make you strong. Now forgive yourself and step up in Christ. Never forget how much He loves you.

The first date…after

After my husband confessed on Sunday, I took the week off of work because I was in shock and broken inside. Surprisingly, my husband and I ended up spending a lot of time together those first few days. We met with our pastor and his wife, but we also went to breakfast, took a hike and saw a movie. We cried a lot, talked a ton and spent time alone with God as well. During our hike, I let out a lot of anger. I expressed that I felt like I wanted to kill those women. He said then you’d have to kill me too because I did it too. It was so hard feeling that much anger towards him and others because I’ve never had those kinds of feeling before, it scared me. He actually let me say whatever came to my mind and told me it was okay. He continued to say sorry throughout those days, which is always good.  The weekend came and he asked me if I wanted to go on a date, and I said yes.

The whole process before the date was so upsetting and stressful because I had Satan telling me that “he doesn’t even want to be with you, he’s thinking about the other woman”.  I had to combat those lies with truth just to be able to go on the date. I had been nauseous every day since the confession and I still felt sick.  So we went to dinner, and it was awkward, I think I heard crickets a few times!  I had actually looked up questions to ask on a first date on Pinterest because it literally felt like I was going out with a stranger.  I didn’t know what had happened to my husband, and I was very scared.  This was going to be harder than I thought.  So I did actually use those question to get us talking some. There were still moments of awkwardness, but we survived dinner. After, he had asked me if I wanted to go get some things at a craft store and make something together. He knows I like to do this, so that was thoughtful, and we were off to the store. We walked around the store and I still felt nauseous. I not only felt like I was with a stranger, but I felt like I wouldn’t be with this type of stranger. The pain and hurt that he put upon me for self-centered pleasure was so hard for me to understand.  It was so hard! Can I say that again? It was so hard! I didn’t understand how my best friend could do this to me. He kept suggesting things to make and I knew inside I couldn’t make a craft with him at this point.   Finally, I said I don’t feel like making anything tonight, let’s just go home and watch a movie. The car ride home was quiet and painful. I was praying the whole time, God please help us. I know you want to see marriages restored, God please.  We watched “Christmas with the Kranks” something light-hearted and funny, then the night actually ended okay. Praise the Lord we survived our first date!

So please don’t throw in the towel because the restoration process is hard.  I am telling you it will be! If you have kids, it will be even harder.  Because we wanted to protect our young kids from knowing anything, we could really only “talk” when they were in bed. This can be difficult if one of you isn’t a night person and gets tired, because emotions are less controllable when you’re tired.   It will be hard for days and days in row, but you know what? If you stick with it you will start to see little miracles here and there. You will start to see God putting your heart back together little by little. The other cool thing is that you will start to see your dates get better and better the more you go on.

I’m glad I remember how awful that first date was eight months ago because now I can see the progress that has happened in our marriage.

Don’t give up!

He does love you…

Over the years one of the lies that I have accepted from the devil is that God saved me, but now He is just waiting for me to mess up. God wants to point out my failures, and as a result I never really accepted that God is for me. Recently I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the truth that I am God’s son and that I am the apple of His eye. (Psalms 17:8) This is creating great peace and freedom in my life. 

This morning as I drove to meet a friend I was under attack from the devil. He was trying to get me to beat myself up and to agree with him that I wasn’t worth anything. This went on the whole drive and I prayed to God but it continued. When we sat down to coffe I immediately asked my friend how work was. He said, “no, that we needed to talk about something else.” He explained about a friend who believed that God wanted them to suffer and that God was against them. He then went on to share Romans 8 with me. 

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised-who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:31-39

My friend spoke into my life to remind me that God loves me and is for me. God is at work and worthy of my trust. I was super encouraged in my soul by his words. The devil wanted to destroy me and instead God spoke love and truth into my life through a friend. 

As I drove home I reflected on the love of God displayed in that divine moment over coffee. God loves us, my friend and He wants to encourage us. Do you believe it? Are you looking for Him to show up in unexpected places? He wants to care for you as you are His son or daughter, the apple of His eye. Confess now to Him and to a friend any lies or unbelief you are accepting about God. 

Unbelief like this led to my affairs and enslavement to sexual sin over the years. This unbelief led me to a life of trying to manipulate God. Eventually I was tired of it and let anger and rejection rule in my life. In those moments I found out I am more sinful than I ever realized but I also found out that God loves me more than I ever comprehended! As you move forward in the healing and hopefully reconciliation with your spouse accept that God loves you completely. Anything that comes against that belief, acknowledge it as a lie from the devil and renew your mind with the truth of the Word of God. You will heal and you will come to a deeper understanding of God’s love! 

The day that will live in infamy?

The day my husband confessed to the affairs changed my life forever…

It was a Sunday afternoon, I remember he seemed down so I was trying to goof around with him, and he got serious and said he needed to tell me something. As I sat and listened, I went from holding his hand to wanting to throw up. I went into shock.  I was crying, I was asking why, and I went in the bathroom and threw up. It didn’t help, I would have this nauseous feeling for the next few weeks.  I came out and I was scared, (whenever I am afraid I will trust in You).  I began to ask him some questions and as he answered, the pain increased inside my body. I literally felt like my heart fell out of my body and crashed onto the floor.  But I started praying…”God, help me. I don’t know what to do.” Then I asked him to call a couple of important men in his life because I needed help, and he did. Unfortunately, I knew a couple of friends who had gone through a similar situation in their past, and I texted them to get some prayers as well.  We met with our pastor and wife that day, and I felt a whole gamet of emotions. I would go from hurt, to sad, to angry, to scared, and even one time the Holy Spirit came upon me and I felt peace, and I actually reached out and laid my hand on my husband. It was seriously an outer body experience; I watched myself go from one side of a couch to another as my husband started crying. I was so mad at him in that moment, I couldn’t have done that, it was the Holy Spirit in me. Despite the enormous and horrific pain, God was working inside of me. 
When your spouse confesses to having an affair, you need to ask for help immediately. Even pausing in the bathroom between throwing up and crying, stop and ask Your Daddy, Jesus to help. He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. Then you need to ask for some godly help through pastors, mentors and friends that you trust to walk through this moment with you. Don’t wait until the next day to call, call immediately.  I cannot imagine how the first week would have played out if I had waited. Get another couple involved, a husband and wife, that you can both talk to at the same time. You cannot do this on your own.

So the title, “The day that will live in infamy” ends in a question mark for a reason. The word infamy means being well known for something bad, but I often question myself as to if the day should be remembered for something bad or something very, very good. The day of confession…the Holy Spirit bringing him to the point where he confessed. God had planned for this particular day to be when his redemption began.  So even though my heart was broken on this day, my husband returned to God.  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9  Because Christ has forgiven me through His death on the cross, I will forgive even the unthinkable.

Remember to ask for help immediately!

Wait…

Indeed, none who wait for you (the Lord) shall be put to shame… – Psalm 25:3a

Over the last several months, as my wife and I are healing from my affairs this verse has become a bedrock for me. There are and will be days that just suck as you and your spouse heal. The enemy will attack and try to destroy the healing that is taking place. Not only will there be difficult days but at times you won’t know what to do or how to respond in certain situations. Then to top it all off you will be longing for the healing to come much quicker than what it is.

Within the first few weeks of my confessions my wife read through the Psalms a couple times and I read through portions of it. This verse over and over again has stuck with me, and has taken me back to a better place when things get difficult or I don’t know what to do. Through the course of all this mess I have learned that I just need to hold onto the Lord. I need to cling to Him and wait for Him.

This verse gives me assurance that if I don’t know how to act or move forward that I just need to be honest about it and wait for the Lord. He will come through, He will guide his children as they trust in Him. We must, however be willing to wait. That can be the hard thing. It takes faith to trust this verse to be so. As you take more time to wait instead of rushing forward it will become easier and easier to wait. In America we are taught all the time to be in control and to be people of action. In God’s economy we become a people who wait and let God take action for His glory. When we do that we truly learn to live and be filled with joy as He miraculously works.

God is in control of your healing process, so wait. He will turn the destruction of your affairs or the betrayal in your life into something beautiful as you wait. He will not let you be put to shame. Have confidence and wait. Let God come through for you…He will!

Wait…

You are Forgiven…Now rise up 

Yes, you had an affair. You hurt your spouse, that you promised to love for a lifetime,  more deeply than you can imagine. That can be hard to live with and it can be overwhelmingly painful. The pain is often unbearable for your spouse and their range of emotions is unknowable by us who committed the affair.

That’s the truth, but there is more truth.

For those of us who cry out to Jesus to be forgiven, we are forgiven.  1 John 1:9 promises us,  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Read those words again. Have you asked Jesus to forgive you? If so, you are forgiven! That is a truth that cannot be taken away from you. Now if you are like me, you will have to read this truth 100 times a day until it sinks deep into your heart. The devil is going to attack. After all he is simply wanting to destroy you. Nothing would make him happier than for you to wallow in the misery of guilt and shame. But God loves you perfectly regardless of the affairs and He has forgiven you. Now He wants you to live in His strength and power.

As I look back over the initial months it was so hard to accept the Lord’s forgiveness and to accept my wife’s forgiveness. I did not feel like I deserved it at all. In fact I didn’t, but the true love of God provided the way to be forgiven despite myself.  My wife understands how deeply she has been forgiven, and as a result her love for God and for me compelled her to forgive me. (This is something I praise God for everyday!) Regardless of whether your spouse is willing to forgive you, God has. Take comfort in that and let go of the shame. Live free and forgiven, do not let the enemy tear you down with accusations of the things you are already forgiven for!

At the beginning I mentioned that your spouse is dealing with unbearable amounts of pain because of your betrayal. That is true, however they need you. You are forgiven and that forgiveness allows you to walk in freedom from your sin. That forgiveness also allows you to rise up and be strong for your spouse. They need you to acknowledge and not ignore the sin you committed, but they also need you to rise up in the confidence that your Savior has forgiven you. When you in the power of Christ do this, you are able to convey strength and victory to your spouse when they are just trying to survive the pain. Even as I write that it sounds so weird that your spouse wants strength from the one who betrayed them. Remember though that despite your betrayal they have stayed faithful because they love you and they want to be with you. Take the forgiveness and grace you have received from Christ to rise up in strength and love your spouse.

This will not be easy. The devil will attack and your spouse will need to share their pain with you. In those moments you will want to run in fear and shame. I did. Many times my wife would say, “I need you to be strong for me when I share my pain. Tell me you are sorry and that you regret what you did, but stay strong for me. Show me that you are confident in God and the work of Christ.”  See, when she would open up I wanted to run because I had so much shame and I hated myself for what I did. But if you believe you are forgiven and loved, then the shame and hatred melts away and you become strong for your spouse. Over time you will become stronger and stronger in the Lord as you continue to renew your mind day by day.

Have you forgiven yourself for your affairs? God has! Now rise up and fight for your spouse, love them, and be gentle and be strong for them! God will be there for you each step of the way! 

Never forget you are loved and forgiven completely by JESUS!

Simply Whatever. 

My wife had a rough past couple days. Those are to be expected. We are less than a year into our healing process. One of the things that attributed to the rough days was hearing about another couple that worked to save their marriage after an affair, but they have not been able to. It is ending in divorce. The devil used this to send arrows at her heart like, “if they couldn’t do it then how can you?” Those are dirty blows and they hurt. So we hugged, which is what we do when one of us is hurting. Speaking isn’t the best first thing. The best first thing is the hug. Then we talked.

I told my wife, that from what she shared there had been something that this couple was not willing to do. They were not willing to do whatever it takes. The day I confessed to the affair and my wife forgave me we made the decision to do whatever it would take to save our marriage. For us, this wasn’t simply about not getting a divorce this was about healing, and our marriage being better than ever. Remember with Jesus all things are possible.

When I write “whatever” I mean whatever. If it means no sports television because they objectify women in so many ways, if it means no smart phone, if it means tracking devices on your phone so your spouse knows where you are, if it means no longer going to the gym to protect your eyes, and if it means quitting your job then do it! As we pursue purity and wholeness God will honor those decisions and He will carry you through. He calls us to honor our spouses and to protect our marriages so do whatever it takes. Remember you have destroyed the trust in your marriage through your affair or addiction to pornography and now it will take a life-time to rebuild that trust.

If you are in the process of recovering from an affair, have you made the conscious choice that you will do whatever it takes to bring healing to your spouse and to your marriage?

If you have not then you will fail. In those little holes where you choose to leave openings the devil will squeeze on-going temptation and attacks. He knows that over time you will wear down and he will once again have you where he wants you.

Last night as I held my wife(and it is by the grace of God that I even get to anymore) I told here once again, “I will do whatever you need right now to help encourage you.”

I challenge you in the next 24 hours to ask your spouse, “Do you believe I am willing to do whatever it takes to see our marriage and love restored?” If they say “no” then ask  them what more they need from you. Then do it. Keeping asking that question of yourself and ask the Spirit to reveal to you where you are falling short.

Remember if your marriage is going to survive you must make the commitment that you will do whatever it takes!